Diary
Saturday, July 01, 2006
I was bored today, so I read a few of my journal entries which I started writing 6 years ago. I was surprised of the things that I’ve read. All the bad experiences that I’ve went through and survived in the passed 6 years came back to me like an unrestful ghost. They were tossed in the darkest corner of my mind that I actually forgot for a while that I went through these many “soul abrasive” experiences. But I’m just glad I survived it all. And so, today I’ve decided to post parts (not including the “sensitive parts” of course…hehehe) of my journal entries.
“You know how it feels like? I feel like falling from a 1000 storey building, falling swift. I feel a certain level of excitement, but I know that eventually I will hit the ground and my body will painfully slam on it, tearing it into small fragments. But you know what I fear the most? I fear of not bearing the pain…and after the pain, I might not have the chance to be whole again.”
-Friday, October 24, 2003-
“Opinionated people say other people are wrong, it’s their way of saying they are more intelligent. Real intelligent people are those that try to analyze and try to find something right about what another person says.”
-Thursday, November 20, 2003-
“Maybe I and my team mates are just like a fruit, yet unripe. Maybe, the time will come for us to claim our seat in success. But not now.
I thank God for this experience. Indeed it has been an enriching, learning experience. This will no doubt become one of the shining moments in my college life. I have learned many things indeed. I’ve become a bit more spontaneous. I’ve learned to keep my head up and feel confident despite the loosing status. I’ve learned to give out my best despite the awareness of deficiencies. I’ve learned how to think like Jesus (remember World Peace? Hahahahah)! I’ve learned to have fun and not take things seriously while aiming for success. I’ve learned to laugh at myself. And most of all, I’ve learned that it is only in making mistakes that I’d gain learning.
We might have lost the debate…but we won friends… ”
-Monday, October 06, 2003-
“This is how I am. Sometimes, I’m smart, sometimes I’m dumb. I make mistakes. These mistakes become the root of regrets and sometimes the root of pain. But they’re also the root of learning. Most importantly, these mistakes are the ones that remind me of my being “human”.”
-Saturday, October 25, 2003-
“I look around me, and I see a strange new atmosphere from that I grew up with. It’s an unseen corner of the world where little light comes in. I constantly ask myself, “do I rightfully belong here?” Perhaps, this is not where I’m destined to be. Nor is it a punishment for the insolence I have done. Pehaps it’s a choice I have unwillingly made years ago. Unwilling in the sense, that I did not know that I was going to make the wrong choice. Perhaps, a strong filthy wind blew towards the west, and my soul was taken away by it. And now, I look around me as if I have not been here long. Here in this desolate world full of unfortunate humans plagued by a queer disease. It’s a disease that fills in the empty spaces of the very essence of your humanity. Yes, it makes you complete…it makes you whole but it makes YOU be made up of rotteness. Yes, you may be whole, but it makes you feel so empty, rotten, confused and unfree inside.
Perhaps, I have been infected by this disease. And things are now so severe that it seems as though there is no room for healing and change anymore. I have been stripped off by the precious characteristics that I once have. I assessed myself, and I realized that I still have something left in me that might just be the key. Key to my freedom from this horrid world that I am in. I have scraps of determination to fuel my physical body to make a move, and scraps of intellect that will guide me towards the right direction.”
- Sunday, November 16, 2003-
“You know how it feels like? I feel like falling from a 1000 storey building, falling swift. I feel a certain level of excitement, but I know that eventually I will hit the ground and my body will painfully slam on it, tearing it into small fragments. But you know what I fear the most? I fear of not bearing the pain…and after the pain, I might not have the chance to be whole again.”
-Friday, October 24, 2003-
“Opinionated people say other people are wrong, it’s their way of saying they are more intelligent. Real intelligent people are those that try to analyze and try to find something right about what another person says.”
-Thursday, November 20, 2003-
“Maybe I and my team mates are just like a fruit, yet unripe. Maybe, the time will come for us to claim our seat in success. But not now.
I thank God for this experience. Indeed it has been an enriching, learning experience. This will no doubt become one of the shining moments in my college life. I have learned many things indeed. I’ve become a bit more spontaneous. I’ve learned to keep my head up and feel confident despite the loosing status. I’ve learned to give out my best despite the awareness of deficiencies. I’ve learned how to think like Jesus (remember World Peace? Hahahahah)! I’ve learned to have fun and not take things seriously while aiming for success. I’ve learned to laugh at myself. And most of all, I’ve learned that it is only in making mistakes that I’d gain learning.
We might have lost the debate…but we won friends… ”
-Monday, October 06, 2003-
“This is how I am. Sometimes, I’m smart, sometimes I’m dumb. I make mistakes. These mistakes become the root of regrets and sometimes the root of pain. But they’re also the root of learning. Most importantly, these mistakes are the ones that remind me of my being “human”.”
-Saturday, October 25, 2003-
“I look around me, and I see a strange new atmosphere from that I grew up with. It’s an unseen corner of the world where little light comes in. I constantly ask myself, “do I rightfully belong here?” Perhaps, this is not where I’m destined to be. Nor is it a punishment for the insolence I have done. Pehaps it’s a choice I have unwillingly made years ago. Unwilling in the sense, that I did not know that I was going to make the wrong choice. Perhaps, a strong filthy wind blew towards the west, and my soul was taken away by it. And now, I look around me as if I have not been here long. Here in this desolate world full of unfortunate humans plagued by a queer disease. It’s a disease that fills in the empty spaces of the very essence of your humanity. Yes, it makes you complete…it makes you whole but it makes YOU be made up of rotteness. Yes, you may be whole, but it makes you feel so empty, rotten, confused and unfree inside.
Perhaps, I have been infected by this disease. And things are now so severe that it seems as though there is no room for healing and change anymore. I have been stripped off by the precious characteristics that I once have. I assessed myself, and I realized that I still have something left in me that might just be the key. Key to my freedom from this horrid world that I am in. I have scraps of determination to fuel my physical body to make a move, and scraps of intellect that will guide me towards the right direction.”
- Sunday, November 16, 2003-
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