Moved to...
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Hi People...
I just wanted to say that I've moved my blog to multiply. So if you're still interessted in reading some of my stuff, the link is http://draftbeer80.multiply.com/journal. Thanks for reading!
I just wanted to say that I've moved my blog to multiply. So if you're still interessted in reading some of my stuff, the link is http://draftbeer80.multiply.com/journal. Thanks for reading!
Another Universal Law
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
If time were a universal force which drives even a single atom towards a direction where time flows, exhaustion is a universal law. This law states that all things in this universe eventually runs out.
Yesterday, a friend of mine asked me if I'm happy. I was kindda surprized. It's been a while since a person had asked me such soul shaking question. I don't know exactly why she asked that question or why that question just poped-out of nowhere. I was silent for a second. And then I said yes...I am happy. But there was a part of me that says...I just lied. And the larger part of me says...I dunno. So I went to the chapel to reflect. And I got my answer.
Sometimes, I think I'm ABSOLUTELY happy. And sometimes I think I'm the saddest person in the world. Now I'm just plain confused. I don't know which is which. How can a person be confused of what he's feeling? While in fact he should know himself better than anyone else. At times I realize that there are a lot of things to be happy about. And there are times that I'm just so full of it. But sometimes I just walk into my room and feel like it's so empty that nothing could ever fill it. And then God just whispered to my ear...he said that there's nothing to be confused about. Happiness is simply an exhaustible comodity like fuel. Sometimes you have a full-tank and then eventually you'll run out of it. It doesn't mean that if you were happy once and then feel lonely later at some point, you're just pretending to be happy. Or pretending to be sad. When you feel like you're sad for no reason, you simply ran out of "fuel". It's not because you're having sudden mood-swings or you're simply psycho. You'll just have to find another fuel source and re-fuel yourself. Then you'll be off hopping again.
And then I said...yah...he's right. Perhaps, that's just how God designed the universe. Everything is exhaustible or perishable. It's what keeps people moving.
Yesterday, a friend of mine asked me if I'm happy. I was kindda surprized. It's been a while since a person had asked me such soul shaking question. I don't know exactly why she asked that question or why that question just poped-out of nowhere. I was silent for a second. And then I said yes...I am happy. But there was a part of me that says...I just lied. And the larger part of me says...I dunno. So I went to the chapel to reflect. And I got my answer.
Sometimes, I think I'm ABSOLUTELY happy. And sometimes I think I'm the saddest person in the world. Now I'm just plain confused. I don't know which is which. How can a person be confused of what he's feeling? While in fact he should know himself better than anyone else. At times I realize that there are a lot of things to be happy about. And there are times that I'm just so full of it. But sometimes I just walk into my room and feel like it's so empty that nothing could ever fill it. And then God just whispered to my ear...he said that there's nothing to be confused about. Happiness is simply an exhaustible comodity like fuel. Sometimes you have a full-tank and then eventually you'll run out of it. It doesn't mean that if you were happy once and then feel lonely later at some point, you're just pretending to be happy. Or pretending to be sad. When you feel like you're sad for no reason, you simply ran out of "fuel". It's not because you're having sudden mood-swings or you're simply psycho. You'll just have to find another fuel source and re-fuel yourself. Then you'll be off hopping again.
And then I said...yah...he's right. Perhaps, that's just how God designed the universe. Everything is exhaustible or perishable. It's what keeps people moving.
The missing link
I'm sure everyone is familiar with the Darwinian theory on human evolution. This states that humans evolved from apes. A lot of smart people seems to think that this is true. But if it were true, why is it that till this very day, they have not yet found the missing link? I have come up with a theory of my own. That man did not evolve from apes. Man evolved from fishes.
All organisms in this planet started from a single celled life-form called a bacteria. Then from a single bacteria sprung a variety of multi-cellular, complex, intelligent life forms. Man is far more intelligent than the apes basing on the way of life of a community of apes. They eat lice! How intelligent is that!?
Fishes on the other hand are more intelligent than apes. Although they have relatively small brains, they have a similarity with humans in terms of behavior. Like for instance their habitat use behavior, fish-invertibrate symbiotic behavior, schooling behavior, the use of fish vocal patterns used as a tool to communicate to each other, and fish migrations are far advanced than any of the other species of the animal world. Far more advanced than the way of life of the apes.
Man evolved from fishes. So we were mermaids once. I personally think that scientists should devote their time in finding the real missing link. Mermaids. Heheheh...char lang!
I hope you like my theory...I know I do! ;-D
All organisms in this planet started from a single celled life-form called a bacteria. Then from a single bacteria sprung a variety of multi-cellular, complex, intelligent life forms. Man is far more intelligent than the apes basing on the way of life of a community of apes. They eat lice! How intelligent is that!?
Fishes on the other hand are more intelligent than apes. Although they have relatively small brains, they have a similarity with humans in terms of behavior. Like for instance their habitat use behavior, fish-invertibrate symbiotic behavior, schooling behavior, the use of fish vocal patterns used as a tool to communicate to each other, and fish migrations are far advanced than any of the other species of the animal world. Far more advanced than the way of life of the apes.
Man evolved from fishes. So we were mermaids once. I personally think that scientists should devote their time in finding the real missing link. Mermaids. Heheheh...char lang!
I hope you like my theory...I know I do! ;-D
Belief
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Tonight, you arrested my mind.
When you came to my defense.
With a knife, in the shape of your mouth,
in the form of your body, with the wrath of a god.
Oh, you stood by me.
And I'll stand by my belief.
And I'll stand by my belief.
When you came to my defense.
With a knife, in the shape of your mouth,
in the form of your body, with the wrath of a god.
Oh, you stood by me.
And I'll stand by my belief.
And I'll stand by my belief.
Diary
Saturday, July 01, 2006
I was bored today, so I read a few of my journal entries which I started writing 6 years ago. I was surprised of the things that I’ve read. All the bad experiences that I’ve went through and survived in the passed 6 years came back to me like an unrestful ghost. They were tossed in the darkest corner of my mind that I actually forgot for a while that I went through these many “soul abrasive” experiences. But I’m just glad I survived it all. And so, today I’ve decided to post parts (not including the “sensitive parts” of course…hehehe) of my journal entries.
“You know how it feels like? I feel like falling from a 1000 storey building, falling swift. I feel a certain level of excitement, but I know that eventually I will hit the ground and my body will painfully slam on it, tearing it into small fragments. But you know what I fear the most? I fear of not bearing the pain…and after the pain, I might not have the chance to be whole again.”
-Friday, October 24, 2003-
“Opinionated people say other people are wrong, it’s their way of saying they are more intelligent. Real intelligent people are those that try to analyze and try to find something right about what another person says.”
-Thursday, November 20, 2003-
“Maybe I and my team mates are just like a fruit, yet unripe. Maybe, the time will come for us to claim our seat in success. But not now.
I thank God for this experience. Indeed it has been an enriching, learning experience. This will no doubt become one of the shining moments in my college life. I have learned many things indeed. I’ve become a bit more spontaneous. I’ve learned to keep my head up and feel confident despite the loosing status. I’ve learned to give out my best despite the awareness of deficiencies. I’ve learned how to think like Jesus (remember World Peace? Hahahahah)! I’ve learned to have fun and not take things seriously while aiming for success. I’ve learned to laugh at myself. And most of all, I’ve learned that it is only in making mistakes that I’d gain learning.
We might have lost the debate…but we won friends… ”
-Monday, October 06, 2003-
“This is how I am. Sometimes, I’m smart, sometimes I’m dumb. I make mistakes. These mistakes become the root of regrets and sometimes the root of pain. But they’re also the root of learning. Most importantly, these mistakes are the ones that remind me of my being “human”.”
-Saturday, October 25, 2003-
“I look around me, and I see a strange new atmosphere from that I grew up with. It’s an unseen corner of the world where little light comes in. I constantly ask myself, “do I rightfully belong here?” Perhaps, this is not where I’m destined to be. Nor is it a punishment for the insolence I have done. Pehaps it’s a choice I have unwillingly made years ago. Unwilling in the sense, that I did not know that I was going to make the wrong choice. Perhaps, a strong filthy wind blew towards the west, and my soul was taken away by it. And now, I look around me as if I have not been here long. Here in this desolate world full of unfortunate humans plagued by a queer disease. It’s a disease that fills in the empty spaces of the very essence of your humanity. Yes, it makes you complete…it makes you whole but it makes YOU be made up of rotteness. Yes, you may be whole, but it makes you feel so empty, rotten, confused and unfree inside.
Perhaps, I have been infected by this disease. And things are now so severe that it seems as though there is no room for healing and change anymore. I have been stripped off by the precious characteristics that I once have. I assessed myself, and I realized that I still have something left in me that might just be the key. Key to my freedom from this horrid world that I am in. I have scraps of determination to fuel my physical body to make a move, and scraps of intellect that will guide me towards the right direction.”
- Sunday, November 16, 2003-
“You know how it feels like? I feel like falling from a 1000 storey building, falling swift. I feel a certain level of excitement, but I know that eventually I will hit the ground and my body will painfully slam on it, tearing it into small fragments. But you know what I fear the most? I fear of not bearing the pain…and after the pain, I might not have the chance to be whole again.”
-Friday, October 24, 2003-
“Opinionated people say other people are wrong, it’s their way of saying they are more intelligent. Real intelligent people are those that try to analyze and try to find something right about what another person says.”
-Thursday, November 20, 2003-
“Maybe I and my team mates are just like a fruit, yet unripe. Maybe, the time will come for us to claim our seat in success. But not now.
I thank God for this experience. Indeed it has been an enriching, learning experience. This will no doubt become one of the shining moments in my college life. I have learned many things indeed. I’ve become a bit more spontaneous. I’ve learned to keep my head up and feel confident despite the loosing status. I’ve learned to give out my best despite the awareness of deficiencies. I’ve learned how to think like Jesus (remember World Peace? Hahahahah)! I’ve learned to have fun and not take things seriously while aiming for success. I’ve learned to laugh at myself. And most of all, I’ve learned that it is only in making mistakes that I’d gain learning.
We might have lost the debate…but we won friends… ”
-Monday, October 06, 2003-
“This is how I am. Sometimes, I’m smart, sometimes I’m dumb. I make mistakes. These mistakes become the root of regrets and sometimes the root of pain. But they’re also the root of learning. Most importantly, these mistakes are the ones that remind me of my being “human”.”
-Saturday, October 25, 2003-
“I look around me, and I see a strange new atmosphere from that I grew up with. It’s an unseen corner of the world where little light comes in. I constantly ask myself, “do I rightfully belong here?” Perhaps, this is not where I’m destined to be. Nor is it a punishment for the insolence I have done. Pehaps it’s a choice I have unwillingly made years ago. Unwilling in the sense, that I did not know that I was going to make the wrong choice. Perhaps, a strong filthy wind blew towards the west, and my soul was taken away by it. And now, I look around me as if I have not been here long. Here in this desolate world full of unfortunate humans plagued by a queer disease. It’s a disease that fills in the empty spaces of the very essence of your humanity. Yes, it makes you complete…it makes you whole but it makes YOU be made up of rotteness. Yes, you may be whole, but it makes you feel so empty, rotten, confused and unfree inside.
Perhaps, I have been infected by this disease. And things are now so severe that it seems as though there is no room for healing and change anymore. I have been stripped off by the precious characteristics that I once have. I assessed myself, and I realized that I still have something left in me that might just be the key. Key to my freedom from this horrid world that I am in. I have scraps of determination to fuel my physical body to make a move, and scraps of intellect that will guide me towards the right direction.”
- Sunday, November 16, 2003-
Crush
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
No Comment... I'm just gonna sing like angels always do... ;-D
Crush
By: Gavin De Graw
When my pass came in, you dropped the ball
It didnt change the way I feel
And I was wishing I'd break down your walls
The kiss will know if lips stay still
There is a line I crossed
And when you missed I lost
I'm not a loser
Girl, you know that I'll be back again
My dear, I went for the steal
Maybe it was rushed
Oh my crush, I've gotta crush
I suppose that i could hold it in
But you excite my every cell
Sources say that senses are your friends
My senses say that I should tell
You that I'm not ashamed
You might just feel the same
But you have to try it
If you're ever really gonna know
My dear, I went for the steal
Maybe it was rushed
Oh my crush, i've gotta crush
I want to
I need to
I have to have you
You're so much to touch
Girl, you're too much
And I cant control it- you've got me all over the road
My dear, I went for the steal
Maybe it was rushed
Oh my crush
Damaging my soul
You blew me off, but I dont mind
I just get better with time
And so do you
So do you
So do you
My crush
Crush
By: Gavin De Graw
When my pass came in, you dropped the ball
It didnt change the way I feel
And I was wishing I'd break down your walls
The kiss will know if lips stay still
There is a line I crossed
And when you missed I lost
I'm not a loser
Girl, you know that I'll be back again
My dear, I went for the steal
Maybe it was rushed
Oh my crush, I've gotta crush
I suppose that i could hold it in
But you excite my every cell
Sources say that senses are your friends
My senses say that I should tell
You that I'm not ashamed
You might just feel the same
But you have to try it
If you're ever really gonna know
My dear, I went for the steal
Maybe it was rushed
Oh my crush, i've gotta crush
I want to
I need to
I have to have you
You're so much to touch
Girl, you're too much
And I cant control it- you've got me all over the road
My dear, I went for the steal
Maybe it was rushed
Oh my crush
Damaging my soul
You blew me off, but I dont mind
I just get better with time
And so do you
So do you
So do you
My crush
What am I to you?
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Haaay. My state right now is most definitely beyond what science can explain or mathematics to calculate. Most definitely beyond what my brain can comprehend and most definitely beyond what my heart can contain. Hence, I will just sing. In the hope that I will be heard. Even with the slimmest chance.
What am I to you
By: Norah Jones
What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue
When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so
If my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball
When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin true
What am I to you
Yah well if my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
Never want to part
I'm giving you the ball
When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
Could you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies
I will you love when you're blue
Tell me darlin true
What am I to you
What am I to you
What am I to you
What am I to you
By: Norah Jones
What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue
When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so
If my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball
When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin true
What am I to you
Yah well if my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
Never want to part
I'm giving you the ball
When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
Could you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies
I will you love when you're blue
Tell me darlin true
What am I to you
What am I to you
What am I to you
Torment Declaration
Why do I get hurt and yet let her see a smile painted upon my face? Does she know? Will she ever know? I pray not...I pray never. I wish that I could just grab what's underneath my chest and bury it to the ground. So that what I feel will just fade away into oblivion. And thus we remain strangers.
It's been almost 3 years since I've written a decent, finished poem. And it seems as though my muse has returned to bring forth magic to weave a rhyme. Kaya lang, it's about pain. Maybe my pain is deeper than I think it is. The subconsious works in mysterious ways! Hhehehe. Here's my new poem. Mainit init pa. Hope you like it.
Torment Declaration
By: Me
You’re the most brilliant star beyond any poet’s rhythm could ever chant,
and my pain is beyond what hell could ever bestow upon a man,
As each day I see thy exquisite silhouette caress the walls,
I go to confine myself solitarily and engage in most torturous rant.
Oh what pain this soul has to see another man’s name carved upon thy chest,
I fall into the dry desert grounds and bathe in salty rain,
I lock my face up to the heavens with my eyes closed,
Praying not for thy glance but praying for this soul to be at rest.
In the darkness of the corners of my dungeon thy thought remains my light,
And amidst the dreadful silence I sing thy name infinitely,
This is my torment that I unshamefully declare and cast upon a stone,
This is my obscurest vainglorious battle that I have to mightily fight.
It's been almost 3 years since I've written a decent, finished poem. And it seems as though my muse has returned to bring forth magic to weave a rhyme. Kaya lang, it's about pain. Maybe my pain is deeper than I think it is. The subconsious works in mysterious ways! Hhehehe. Here's my new poem. Mainit init pa. Hope you like it.
Torment Declaration
By: Me
You’re the most brilliant star beyond any poet’s rhythm could ever chant,
and my pain is beyond what hell could ever bestow upon a man,
As each day I see thy exquisite silhouette caress the walls,
I go to confine myself solitarily and engage in most torturous rant.
Oh what pain this soul has to see another man’s name carved upon thy chest,
I fall into the dry desert grounds and bathe in salty rain,
I lock my face up to the heavens with my eyes closed,
Praying not for thy glance but praying for this soul to be at rest.
In the darkness of the corners of my dungeon thy thought remains my light,
And amidst the dreadful silence I sing thy name infinitely,
This is my torment that I unshamefully declare and cast upon a stone,
This is my obscurest vainglorious battle that I have to mightily fight.
How have I failed?
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
I’m such a failure. As much as I want to hide it from the world, I cannot try hard enough to hide it from myself. I have failed so many times, and my past failures didn’t seem to mean much to me. But it seems like I’ve finally hit the bottom. And my initial reaction to the ground cracking slam? Indifference. I feel numb all over. I put on a smile like it’s no big deal. But a day later…the pain starts to kick in.
I’m such a failure.
There are many types of failure. One that is called a “consequence”. Caused by a person’s faulty decisions in the past. Experienced mostly by people who are more in-touch with “reality”. The second type of failure is called a “jinx”. This type of failure are experienced mostly by people who believe in “luck”. The third type of failure is called “God’s will”. The type of failure that are often experienced by the “faithful”. I am a “faithful” but I don’t want to blame God for my failure. I sometimes believe in luck but I also believe that “jinxes” have no power over me. I am in-touch with reality but I float more in the “dreamy” realm. So, how have I failed? Perhaps, it’s a combination of the three.
I failed, not because I am not smart enough and I failed, not because I did not pray enough. Because truth is, even though I have walked away from God, I felt him pulling me back. And he showered a lot of talents than an average human being. I failed not because I am unfortunate. Because the truth is, I was lucky to have a good mom who stood by me no matter how many times I broke her heart. I failed also not because I was too “dreamy”. Because I was being realistic when I had to face the truth that people are going to JEER me as soon as I decide to start over in college at my age.
I failed because I have neglected the things that should be on top of my priority list. I failed because I did not put my heart into the things that I do. I failed because even though I knew that I was lost, I did not try hard enough to find my way back to the right path.
I’m such a failure.
I’m such a failure.
There are many types of failure. One that is called a “consequence”. Caused by a person’s faulty decisions in the past. Experienced mostly by people who are more in-touch with “reality”. The second type of failure is called a “jinx”. This type of failure are experienced mostly by people who believe in “luck”. The third type of failure is called “God’s will”. The type of failure that are often experienced by the “faithful”. I am a “faithful” but I don’t want to blame God for my failure. I sometimes believe in luck but I also believe that “jinxes” have no power over me. I am in-touch with reality but I float more in the “dreamy” realm. So, how have I failed? Perhaps, it’s a combination of the three.
I failed, not because I am not smart enough and I failed, not because I did not pray enough. Because truth is, even though I have walked away from God, I felt him pulling me back. And he showered a lot of talents than an average human being. I failed not because I am unfortunate. Because the truth is, I was lucky to have a good mom who stood by me no matter how many times I broke her heart. I failed also not because I was too “dreamy”. Because I was being realistic when I had to face the truth that people are going to JEER me as soon as I decide to start over in college at my age.
I failed because I have neglected the things that should be on top of my priority list. I failed because I did not put my heart into the things that I do. I failed because even though I knew that I was lost, I did not try hard enough to find my way back to the right path.
I’m such a failure.
