I have realized over these years that not all people are capable of feeling hate. But each and every human being has the right to be angry. At strangers, at friends, at loved ones, at objects, at animals, at humans or at life in general. Anger comes because of the imperfections in this universe. Such that is inevitable. And anger is just one of those emotions that we humans are built with. Believe it or not, anger is the one emotion that mobilizes us. That gives us the will to live each day. Hate however is the exact opposite. It demobilizes.

Now, why do I say that not all people are capable of feeling hate? Genuine hate that is. It is because those that have hate are those that are born evil. Those that are inately evil. Hate is not an emotion. It is a living curse spread by Lucifer himself.

Hate is an outgoing negative energy. It comes within the source's soul. The amount of hate that radiates is just a quarter of what lurks within. It has long been believed, that a person that hates, hates the world. But I say otherwise. A person that hates, hates himself through and through the pits of hell. It is but natural to a human being to find someone or something to blame for his hate. And the world is its first victim. And himself, the last.

With this realization, I have seen the face of Lucifer. I know now why his face looks most hideous as portrayed by the age old paintings. Although he's the most beautiful among the angels ever created by God, his face was crumpled by hate...by misery...

Perhaps, anger is but normal. But don't let it remain in your heart. For even though you were not born inately evil, it is not impossible for Lucifer's seed to grow within your soul. You soul is most fertile to evil.

Be wary...

It has surprized me that the days turn so cold, so fast. What I thought to be a good day turned out to be a blue one. I met a mystic mirror, she weeps. Why art thou weeping sweet mirror? Has anyone inflicted upon thee pain? I inquired. No kind sir. But I met a lady. She stared at her reflection and her eyes turned red in anger. She replied.

Was she not angry at thou?

But I have not inflicted her pain for her glare to be aimed at me sir!

Dear mirror...she glares not at thou. But she glares at herself. Her soul burns in fury. She lives a damned life!

And then days passed. I beheld of the lady's beauty whom the mystic mirror had mentioned. And all I had to do was sing her a song...

Oh Let thy furious heart flee,
for even a souless eagle needs to soar free!
Only then can thy soul merry be,
And the world's smile cast into thee...


La vie n'est pa toujour façile! :->

I have realized that when my eyes are closed, all the more I see. Last night, another vision came to me. Vision of of twin serpents intertwined with each other, with their skin scorched by the flames of a forest fire. I came to see it closer and caressed it but it bit my thumb. I felt the throbbing pain, and saw it's black venom moving up to my forearms from within my skin. Fortunately, a kind person whose face I did not see gave me a vial that killed the venom.

I awoke having the serpents' names inside my head. But I have realized that life is not all about doing what you desire, or doing what is beneficial to you or the ones you care about. But life is all about doing what is beneficial to all. The world is made up of interconnected souls that one soul's action may lead to a universal ripple. So, heed ye who reads this text. Be wary of your actions because the world or the universe depends on your every step, or your every motion, or every word.

As for me, I have felt the chills of winter and have heard it whisper behind me. I shall not take heed but instead smile. I have prayed...Lord grant me strength to change the things that I can and grant me serenity to accept the things that I cannot. Although my smile is forcedly drawn upon my face using cheap charcoal but not long shall its genuinity afloat. Perhaps, it is not easy to live by the standards of the many, nor it is easy to forgive and forget but it is easy to smile. Hence I shall smile...and so shall you... ;->

La vie n'est pas toujour facile!

I've always been fond of poems. I am also a poet in my own right. Poems feed my soul and my soul breathes poems. I have decided to post one of my favorite poems here. It's a poem by William Ernest Heneley called Invictus. It has made me strong when I was at my weakest. ;-)

Invictus by: William Ernest Heneley OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance	5
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,	10
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:	15
I am the captain of my soul.

I have been struggling these passed few days. But I am glad that the wind has cleared and the week ended with a genuinely sweet smile. I stood upon an island where the sun shines like the morning at dusk...and it shines like the dawn at dusk. And I beheld the shores reflecting a million smiles. And I bathed in those smiles for hours, cleansing my weary soul. I let the sweet breeze sweep away my laughter. Letting it echo all throughout the corners of my petit world like there'll be no tommorow.

The beach created this tranquil atmosphere within me. It was worth thanking for even though it lasted so short. I guess one cannot really have a touch of heaven too long in this world. It was sweet none the less...just like the Beatles singin' Strawberry fields forever less the forever.

Hence those days ends and here I am again. Whispering to myself. Uttering riddles that not a single mind comprehends or desires to decypher. Perhaps, I'm just too much of a tighly locked chest that not a soul could tap. Perhaps a nicely engineered puzzle that no man could decode. Undecodable even to myself. Hence I remain to be the weeping willow that I am...I was...and always will be. Perhaps...

La vie n'est pas toujour facile... ;-)

horrid visions from a dream came to me last night. Visions of corruption...blood...grime. And it shook my disfaith. I ran towards God's arms and I catch my breath as I pour out all my pains to him. I have strayed away from his arms and I had felt somehow that he had been pulling me back. But it seems that evil is just too persuasive and my will has been strong. Strong to willingly break down. He has been kind and patient. And I felt his unconditional love, despite my disfaith. He believed in me. He believed that he does not need to send storms or hurricanes to remind me of his existence or to forcedly swing me back to his side. But insead, he sent me these visions. Believing that I will see the message. And I believe I did. At least I think I did...I hope I did.

There would be no promises. I will come home to his arms soon. But it's going to take some time. And I'll take one step at a time. I could only hope that tommorow would be a better day. One step closer to that new me. One step close to that new life. :-)

As I always say...La vie n'est pa toujour facile!

Yes, it's the first day of class...new semester unfolding. I cannot tell for certain why all of a sudden, things seem a bit different than I remembered. Old faces turn bile and smiles turn flat like yesterday's beer. I cannot tell for certain why it moved me. I, being the willow and all, was built for this kind of circumstance. While the seasons come and go, rivers run wild and then the day after, it runs dry, winds sweeps east and wind sweeps west...changes...never seemed to bother me. But today I swayed way off course with the soft swoosh of the autumn wind. My branches almost broke. All because of a stranger's face. A stranger with a name...with white feathers on her hair. Her face once friendly but days passed...though her face remained pleasant, but her presence wrapped me in winter's cold. Perhaps a stranger can still be an essential part of a tree's life. Perhaps that warm lavander that her soul once radiated may never come again even if summer comes. But I shall enscribe her name upon my scroll.

We meet new faces each day...strangers. Sometimes they stay and chat. But sometimes, they remain to be a casual sidewalk bump.

They say, the eyes are the windows of one's soul and one's smile is the mirror to one's heart. Perhaps it's true to some cases but untrue to most. I've seen all sort of smiles in my life. Some may seem genuinely sweet and some may seem like it's nothing but a beautiful painting. What runs behind those smiles...I am not quite certain. Nobody can know for certain. It's a rather undecypherable code. A lock without a key. It could only leave you, being the helpless stranger that you are...derranged...questioning your whole being...questioning your stance...lost in an ocean of doubt.

Oh lavenders of spring so sweet,
Blossoming upon valleys where the sunrise greet.
Thy scent hath cast a spell upon my soul,
By which I am rendered unwhole.

Speaketh now thy truth,
Or not long shall I call myself a brute!
Speaketh now I beg of thee...
Thus this stroke of doubt shall now flee!

Sometimes, no matter how hard I try to smile, lighten up, feel happy even though the sky is not as blue as it usually is, and clouds as so heavy they could hit the ground anytime, I just break down...I get lured into that dark pit hidden in the depths of my soul. That pit I never let anyone see. That pit that I try to conceal even to myself. Conseal it with lies. Lies that are so old, that I even begin to believe.

I am lonely. Sometimes, it just comes out. That big empty space inside of me...lonelyness. You know, I used to believe that whenever I'm lonely, I'd just have to wear a fancy smile on my face. Wear a pretty little lie around my neck, saying that I'm happy. In the hope that one day I'm no longer pretending. But I was wrong. That big empty space just sucks out anything in its way to fill itself.

I need help. A divine intervention of some sort. I hope that God would let me give it a shot one more time. I need her...like I've never learned to live my life on my own...and that short span of time that I was with her was the only time that I lived, and when she left, I fell down upon the ground once again.